Love brings tears

Come in closely, friend, and I'll tell you a secret.

I have a hard time talking about God and not crying.

Ever sense I truly came to know him, I've developed into a rather lachrymose person. I'm not saying I bawl or sob, but tears almost always well behind my eyes and often trickle out, dependent on just how long I'm talking.

It seems to occur much regardless of topic. I'm not downhearted or morose; it happens when I offer prayers of thanks and jubilation, and even when I simply discuss a question over scripture. It is almost exclusively provoked, though, when it is me to speak. It is much rarer for me to be moved to tears from simply listening (but on those occasions, I must say they are beautiful, and I welcome them 10 times daily if I have the chance).

It's something like this...
I was reading this verse _____ the other day, and it had this effect on me. Have you ever thought about it that way. Do you think that was the intention?
And wah-lah, the back of my eyes are burning.

I'm not speaking to the crowd, I can be speaking to my fiance, who I trust with every part of me, including my insecurities. So why do I feel this warmth behind my eyes when I discuss this parable?

I think, my friends, it is because I am discussing something that I love so intensely but with a love that I do not fully understand. With a love that I have not grown accustomed to, and hope I never do. With a love that I know I do not deserve to be loved back with, but yet I am, and perfectly. I am loved back so completely, I can feel it on me as I speak about it; I can feel it surrounding me as I share a little about it with my neighbor. It fills my heart and my heart overflows to the space behind my eyes where it finds a way to fall out onto my cheeks.

I do not wish this to ever fall away, to ever disappear. My tears are the realization that I have the pleasure, the honor, the magnificent blessing, to talk about this perfect, gracious love. Who am I to be given that chance? And yet, it has been given to me. And I am so thankful, so humbled, that I cry.

Although I do hope to subdue this reaction to a point that I might carry out long discussions on any righteous topic without needing (too many) tissues, I hope never to become completely dry eyed. That, I think, would be a sad day.