My daydream

I'm not really much of a singer. Er, well... I'm not really much of a good singer, but I love singing. Singing for me is a way to get my heart involved in what I'm expressing to the world. It's a way to say things that the vocabulary of speech just can't amount to. Singing celebrates my happiness, it works through my troubles, it expresses my love. Singing shuts up my brain and lets my heart do the talking. Why am I telling you I love to do something I'm terrible at? I've got a lot of amazing, amazing people in my life. People that have helped me grow, whether they have any idea about it or not. People that have said the absolutely right thing at the right time to change my life. Who give me the exact smile, or hand shake or polite gaze that gives me the strength I need to renew my heart, to strengthen my walk, to find the next step. People whose example means more than 1,000 words. There are people around me who I could never in a life time repay for their gifts, time and love. How do I say thank you? How do I say, you've meant the world to me, and changed it for the better? How do I say, I want to celebrate the most wonderful thing in the universe with you, from the depths of my heart?

I'm sure it varies from person to person. I know people that could probably look you in the eye, tell you those things, and you'd feel it. There are people who could bake you something, write you something, or play an instrument and somehow you'd just know "They mean that". It's how people show love and it's one of those things that when it happens, it's so good.

For me personally, to sing for someone is to show them love. To join in a song of praise is to unite both people in God's name and rejoice together. You might expect this from a born American Idol, of course they'd share their emotions with the world via their great gift, but for me, a person who, well, just can't sing, it means admitting vulnerability, admitting imperfection, admitting deficiency and declaring: I don't care, it doesn't matter, I'm one with you and I want to celebrate the most wonderful thing in the world with you, in one of the most wonderful ways I can think of - in song. Hymns are when I hear God loudest; they're when I see Him gathered in the hearts of every person in the room and when I feel Him alive in mine. Honest. Unguarded. Sincere. I know from experience that in trying to say in words the extreme, gracious, profound things I'm talking about expressing, my heart ruptures and the emotions I'm trying to convey get stuck in my narrow throat, whether I'm sharing my feelings about an individual, or celebrating the grace of God. Somehow, though, the beauty of singing combined with the strength I need personally to share my song captures the nature of these emotions and helps me release them.

So, I day dream about singing. Every time I feel such an overwhelming feeling that I want to express and just can't find a way, I think yes, that's how I'll do it. And because it's so from the heart, because it's so honest, so true, I know it'll express those things within me that I just can't find a way to get out. It'll release that love in my heart that's caged up by my body. It will get past my throat because it'll be so genuine that it flows from my whole being.

......Hey, it's a day dream, I'm allowed to get carried away.

But it's how I feel. It's how I handle the recurring intense desire to cry out in happiness. By thinking about what song I want to share with someone, and what song I want to sing for God.

From Psalm 100:
² Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.

⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.