Lost Luggage and Purpose in Life

Thanksgiving this year means a week visiting the parents in Maine. Now our 3rd or 4th time up, this particular trip was rough. We (my brother, Aaron, and I) flew Delta for the first time. They were unorganized, poorly staffed and delayed delayed delayed. Then,

they lost our luggage.

The dreaded side effect of flying. Furthermore, there were no Delta attendants to be found the entire airport over excepting one lost looking woman who could only tell us "Come back tomorrow". That night, as the carousel spun and our bags didn't appear, I felt no panic, no anger, rage or waywordness. I stood there thinking little more than "Ah, our bags got lost". I knew we would notify the necessary people (albeit none were actually around that evening) and in a few days time the luggage would show up. I hugged my mother, we chatted, we went home.

Sitting around the house last night and today with nothing but the clothes I'd been wearing and whatever I'd chosen to carry-on with me, I was pleased to find I had done a rather good job packing my carry-on. Personally, I like to travel as lightweight as possible. I'm not a "pack an extra change of clothes and toothbrush" person. Thus, the contents were simply:

Laptop and charger
Water bottle
Identification and moolah (that is, $)
A book to read
A journal
Notes from and pictures of my boyfriend
My bible

As I unpacked these things onto my bed, still enjoying my sense of calm despite the er, storm, you might say, I really hit a comfortable high. I felt good. Everything I could possibly need, right there. All of my clothes, shoes, presents, makeup... didn't have any of it. What I did have though, (most importantly, those last two) were all the things that reminded me of my worth, and the good things in the world.

I'm happy to tell you we were reunited with our bags by 3 pm the following day. Nonetheless, the experience motivated this newest post. It's beyond easy to get caught up in the moment. To get lost in the big and small of things. There are so many things that distract me, that envelope me so that I sometimes can't see beyond them. The bag dilemma was a minor hiccup of less than a day but in life, I have enough big deal issues that when I'm not careful, sneak into my brain, grow and smother me:
Am I going to graduate with good enough grades?
Am I prepared for the next step in my schooling?
Am I even choosing the right career path?
Where am I going to live?
Do I have enough money to support myself?
Will I make a good wife?
Am I going to have a family?
Am I going to be a good mother to my kids?

I know, these questions kind of take off on you, but it's true. At least for me. There are good days, where I feel either smart, financially stable, directed, or exceptionally motherly. But there are bad days, where I feel undirected, rushed, confused, and like I'm just not acceptable to ever wed, let alone raise children. Those days are rough, if you can imagine. And I'm sure others of you know the feeling. Sometimes I can talk myself out of it. I'm being irrational. I'm blowing it out of proportion. But sometimes it's harder to shake. Sometimes the evidence, whether past experiences or events, shortcomings or fear of the future become too great to shake and I get lost beating myself up. Saying I can't, I'm not smart enough, or it's so unlikely I'd succeed or I've made too many mistakes, there's no recovering. I start making lists, I start picking out every possible place of failure I can imagine. This won't happen because this, this and this. It's impossible, it's terrible, you're crazy. Then I get scared, I get nervous, I feel anxious, suffocated, and lost.

You only get one life, am I making the right choices? Are the bad choices I've already made going to ruin everything else? Is any of this worth it?

Matthew 6:33
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Yep, I just hit you with a bible verse. And a great, wonderful, powerful one. This verse, in the heat of chaos, in the moment of intense despair, worthlessness or fear, this verse turns everything over, this verse takes everything away and leaves nothing but calm, warm feelings of strength and direction. Even when you are unsure, even when you feel lost, if you take every unsure step with an eye to the Lord, if you seek good in all your decisions, even the hard, scary, painful ones, you can rest assured that all things will be given. This verse is the mantra that gets me through every day, and the one that pulled me through some rough revelations of the last few months. Want to make sure your day is worth living? Remember Matthew 6:33, and it will be. It will be happier, more fulfilled and less stressful too, guaranteed.

Now, I'm not saying I meditate on this verse and hear the words go to Tuft's, have 3 kids wander into my brain. I simply am calmed by the realization that my time here on earth is finite. That I have, most definitely, made a multitude of mistakes, and will most certainly make more. But, if my every decision and action is made in good conscience, if my heart is in the right place, that, in the end, in the terms of eternity, that's what matters.

In a bible study the other day we discussed how when God forgives, He keeps no record. Behind our names, God simply records - Righteous. That, everyone, is the purpose of life. To work with every decision and action in good conscience towards righteousness. In every moment of consternation, check simply that it follows that goal, and you will lead a valuable, purposeful life.

If there is one single thing to be thankful for this holiday season, my friends and loved ones, let us be thankful for that. Though we can never fully comprehend the sacrifice that bought us this most beautiful gift, let's bow heads and try, and feel in our hearts its magnificence and beauty.

God bless, Happy Thanksgiving
Meg