Quick review

So, let's recap. I always thought I'd accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Sometimes I went to church more, sometimes less, but I thought I was sure about God, His presence, His creation.

Today, I know I had never before accepted Christ, because today I know what it means, what it feels like and how it affects you, to accept Him. Your whole life, your whole physical, emotional and spiritual being is taken over and transformed. You see Him in every moment and event.

Most acutely, you are informed of the meaning of life:
To serve Him.
To search for Him, follow Him, and serve Him. So extremely does this purpose seem obvious, necessary, and undeniable that to fathom ever not knowing it or recognizing it seems impossible. Jesus has and will exist for all eternity. He was before and will be after me. It is almost beyond comprehension that I could have existed at one point without realizing this. But I believe that is what Christ does. He transforms us and saves us. What we did before we knew Him is forgiven simply by accepting and following Him. He loves us beyond human comprehension so much so that He forgives and helps us forgive ourselves. He transforms us so that we know Him and only Him, and it is so beautiful, the thought of ever not knowing Him seems far away like a bad dream you awoke from before finishing.

It wasn't always like that for me. At first I struggled. I really struggled to give myself to Christ. Because I couldn't accept and forgive myself, I held back from Him. If only I had given up every bit of me, He would have given me the strength. Eventually, after tears and more of God's careful tools working to tediously uncurl each finger from around my shame and excuses I released my heart completely to Christ and immediately I was changed.
-->Let me explain a little further just what I mean by changed. I mean that pictures of me before knowing Him, don't seem like me. Memories before Him seem faded and out of place. I'm confused by this past that seems so lost and forsaken because it lacked Him. All of that is taken from me in Christ. Nothing that was before Him matters and from here on out, I have eternity to serve and worship Him. He will forgive me my early years on Earth in return for eternity, if I will just take the step and give myself over.

Eternity.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9