A baby step to boldness

God smiled upon me today. He saw my need; He saw my outstretched hand. But He didn't just fulfill the minimum, He didn't just get me by.

He took me up into His arms and held me today.

I've been contemplating my role recently; seeking to find my place in God's family, my station in His army. Daily I am positively affected and moved by those around me. Their actions, their words, their inescapable beauty and the radiance of their spirit. They don't even seem to try; they just glow. But, I then think, what's my role? Where is my voice, my boldness.... where is my light? On some days I truly do just contemplate and trust God that my light is there. But on other days I lose faith. I become frightened and lose self-esteem because I know my voice doesn't affect change like others'. Because my lips don't produce the powerful movement of soul that others instill in me. I still struggle with bible basics. What can I bring to anyone's table? It's not that I want to wow or stun with my stories and diction, I just yearn to support Christ's church. I long to give back to the unending love and grace that it has handed freely to me.

Last night, there was no more uncertainty. I knew God was calling me to a task. I won't belabor the point or drag out the details. Basically, I'd been avoiding it, and finally I could avoid it no more. I was still scared and nervous and basically without any game plan, but, that just wasn't going to be enough to stop me anymore. God said: Do this. Finally I said: Yes.

All I want to do with this blog is say, Thank you Father, for your forgiveness, your patience and your guidance.

Am I suddenly bold and fearless? Uh... NO! In truth, little has yet been revealed to me that answers the questions I posed at the beginning of this blog, but I'm willing to be more trusting of Him and His plan and place for me, and I'm again reassured by His perfect grace at my times of despair and need. I've been tormented by this for so long, and once I finally gave in He immediately held me, He guided me. He lifted my heart that I might breathe a little better and take another baby step forward in my walk with Him.

Why, why do I fight Him?

May all of you find refuge in His arms.
:)