A splendid revelation

A lot of small revelations, studies and readings have been building in my head and heart recently, and in truth, a few could have served as seeds for a blog all their own, but have yet to grow to into a mature post. Finally, after a few mergings and mixings, a blog post has arrived. The two core parts of which stem from my Monday night college women's bible study.

1. One night a few weeks ago, we were discussing the tendency to seek a human for solutions to problems before we seek God's own guidance. Or, perhaps God comes first when it is something fanciful that we want, a new car, a new house, a good grade, to win the game... but friends first when it's a relationship problem, unsureness over the future, work issues or the like. Why is that? How far does the pattern go? The girls around me admitted they had "that one friend" they always went to first, or even the groups of friends they confided in long before sharing desires and tribulations with God. The opportunity came for me to share, and I admitted I struggled less with going to a friend first, but admitted further it was for lack of "that friend", instead of rightful desire to seek God first. This realization bugged me, to say the least. I felt distant from God and ashamed that my first impulses weren't to go to Him. Some of the girls tried to assure me I was closer to right than they simply because I didn't run to a girlfriend to vent my feelings, but I knew the truth in my heart, and God did too (Hebrews 4:12). My trust in God to support me was just as lacking whether or not I dumped my trials on a human friend.

2. Generally, while winding down from our study, we go around the room to hear from each member of their current life trials and prayer concerns that we might support one another through the week. Recently, as I listened about ailing parents, fear of future plans, stress over tests, and struggling friendships, I found myself at a loss at what to share concern about. Now, I'm not trying to fool anyone; I've got stressors, I've got worries, I've got sick family members and struggling relationships, but at that moment, I was just hit with how fully, despite it all, I was blessed. I was really blown away in the moment and prayed immediately in my heart Thank you Lord, for my blessings. In fact, I was so moved by the power of it all, after study I drove myself out to an isolated area of country and sat in my car looking up and the stars and feeling God speak to me. Again, it wasn't that my life was/is void of problems and pains, but suddenly I could see God's blessings in all of them, and I realized over the evening how big the current stage in my life is, and what God is currently doing with me. He's calling me. He's talking to me and slowly, carefully, purposefully building our relationship.

All of this suddenly came together in a striking realization, God had brought me to this moment in life to concentrate on focusing on Him. Right here and now He has carefully allowed me to set many things aside and talk to Him, learn about Him, and bring myself closer to Him; He has brought special, wonderful people into my life to guide, support, and challenge me, to show me love and peace and faith... and it's working.

Now, I'm not trying to claim my life is just dandy, I've been struggling, I've been dissatisfied, I've been anxious. I've been struggling with trust, with faith in God's plan for my future; I've been anxious about my ability to make a good life from the one I have; I've been dissatisfied with the limited relationship I've allowed Christ to build with me so far. But all of this together has made me hungry, insatiable for stories of Christ and tales from the Bible. I'm excited for every Bible study and moved by every message. I'm not suffering; spiritually, I'm green and growing. I'm thirsty, but it's a good thirst, and I hope all the more I drink, that I never stop desiring more. It was weird, really, when the thought struck me. It wasn't so much as Hey, maybe God's doing this, but rather a plain realization that this is what is happening. Now, it could have been my mind had just successfully put 2 and 2 together to get 4... or maybe God just revealed the 4 to me and thus it was my core that knew it, not my brain. Regardless, I know that it is happening in me right now, and I'm excited, nervous and electric with joy that God loves me, that God loves all of us. Hearing God call, in the midst of my fear and anxiety over the present, past and future (of my spiritual life, not my school, work, etc life) is the most gracious, strengthening, magnificent, perfect gift, that only God is capable of giving, and which He so lovingly gives to us all.